The butterflies in my stomach

I am going on my first long vacation.. To a place where I have my brothers and many other relatives and friends. This is going to be my first international trip too all by myself.

It is so funny, at times things happen to you when you are least thinking about it. Going to US was not even on my mind and it just happened all of a sudden out of nowhere.

I really needed a break from daily chaos to think bout what do I need to do next. I don't know if I am a good planner. 

Few days ago, I was going through some of my college/ school scrap book, pictures, greetings, letters- I was reading stuff what my friends wrote bout me/ for me. I also found some stuff which I wrote when I was in college and never published it. And it was really a very weird feeling that I dint remember how was I in college/school. Of course I do have a lot of memories to cherish all my life during those days and so far most wonderful days of my life. But I dint remember how was I?

Most important thing which I realized on this day is that certain situations which happened, changes you completely from what you were. Change is for good but it does has some repercussions too. I wonder if the a total change and when you learn bout yourself and you say- "was that me! Really?" 

Growing up at times takes away so much from you and also gives a lot in return too. 

Another impactful change of my life was when I started giving away pieces of me to someone who wasn't going to be a part of my future. Love teaches two things most importantly 1. Being selfless and 2. Being helpless. And in most of the situations you deal with it either selflessly or helplessly. This part of my life changed me to a complete different person. Yes, I still carry this emotional baggage and just trying too hard to let it go. And I wonder- how do I? Most important lessons this part of my life taught me is: never lose your individuality over anybody, you have right to do things you want to do (never forget that and never underestimate yourself) and being loved in return is as much important as loving someone. 

So this one trip has a lot of actions which are on me. I have butterflies in my stomach too as I am going to meet my brother after almost 8 years. I am going to be away from my family, friends and work for a long time. And I may also experience what it takes to be 'happy' and even feel how is it when you are 'happy'. 

I will undergo another change process for a short time and I wonder how long will the effects of this short change last... My travelogue which today I presume will have a lot of action, drama and fun starts 10 days from now! And pre-holiday drama and fun starts today..